Let's Be Honest Here

The first month of having a newborn in the house just completely sucks. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Sure he's cute and little and precious.. blah blah blah.. but when its 2am in the morning and he's screaming and waking up every hour and a half to feed... he is NOT cute. He is a pain in the ass that won't let me get any sleep. In fact I think he has a little radar built in that knows EXACTLY when mommy is about to fall asleep and then the screaming and crying begins. And then to make matters worse, he will fall asleep on the boob after like five minutes. And you can't just put him back to bed if he falls asleep like that.... oh no.. then two minutes later he would wake up and realize that he's still hungry and the screaming and crying would begin again. It's a viscious freaking cycle and I hate it. I have to resort to stripping him down to his diaper in the middle of the night, putting cold wash cloths on him and last nite I hate to admit that i was so mad and frustrated with him falling asleep that I flicked him on the ear. Yes I know, bad mommy.. but desperate times call for desperate measures. Don't get me wrong, having a new healthy baby is a blessing and all that, but breastfeeding and having a newborn in the first month just completely sucks ass. I'm tired and exhausted and can't ever seem to have a minute where my boobs are my own. I just feel like I'm a giant boob and I feel like that's all I'm good for right now. Owen doesn't want anything or anyone else but the boob.. Sometimes he doesn't seem happy unless he's on the boob and quite frankly its getting exhausting. I'm tired of being tired... I'm tired of crying .. I'm just tired.....
And now I think he is hitting his three week growth spurt because last nite he didn't want mommy to sleep at all. Every hour and a half, like clockwork he would wake up and cry for my boobs. By 5:30am this morning I was so freakin exhausted and just gave in and gave him some formula. I hate breastfeeding this time. I don't know if I'm just having a much harder time with Owen or what, but I'm so ready to just give in and call it quits, but I feel so guilty about wanting to do that.

I just hope it gets better soon, because right now this sucks.
Have to go now, Owen is ringing the cow bell again.

MOOOO says the boob lady.